There are two types of emotions: primary and secondary. Primary emotions are the emotions that drive or feed other emotional experiences. They are at the heart of what we are feeling. Secondary emotions are derived from the primary emotions. They are other emotions that are easier to show to others than the primary emotions are. Keep in mind that we can be feeling an array of emotions at one time which can make it very difficult to explain how we are feeling. One way that we can strengthen our relationship during times of conflict is to identify which emotions we are feeling so that we can better understand ourselves and our partner.
Try this helpful activity! Next time a conflict arises, sit down with your partner and each of you create a list of the emotions that you are experiencing at that time. Think of as many as you can! When you have concluded that list, try to identify which emotions are primary and which are secondary. As you each come to understand how the other person is truly feeling, and as you identify your own primary and secondary emotions, you will be better equipped to find a solution to the conflict in a way that allows you to work with your partner in a more vulnerable and understanding way!
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