A traumatic event, or series of events, can affect an individual in several ways. One very common coping strategy for a trauma survivor is learning to disconnect their mind, body, emotions or spirit. Here’s how it works:
- Disconnected Mind: A disconnect of the mind often presents as denial around the events that occurred, repression of the events to the point of difficult recall, or rationalization of the events as somehow being deserved or ok. While the mind becomes numb to the events, the body, spirit and emotions yurn for healing and resolve with minimal ability to attain peace without the mind taking the first crucial step - acknowledgement.
- Disconnected Body: We see this all around us. Trauma survivors will become physically numb and apathetic. They may starve themselves, stuff themselves, deny themselves sleep, exercise or hygienic care, objectify themselves, injure or abuse themselves, or place themselves in situations where others do the injuring. While their body is numb, their mind, emotions and spirit are reeling and frantic to find some calm and escape.
- Disconnected Emotion: Through this disconnect, the survivor is able to cope with the trauma solely on a mental, spiritual or physical level while denying themselves the emotional devastation of the events. While shutting down their emotions serves as a survival strategy, this individual will find that empathy and nurture in relationships becomes difficult for them to provide, including empathy and nurture for themselves.
- Disconnected Spirit: This manifests in a complete dismissal of an individual's inherent value, worth, aptitude and meaning. This is caused by dissonance - a discord between the worth of the soul and the volatility of the trauma. As the individual attempts to physically, emotionally and mentally make sense of the trauma, they are unable to reconcile the trauma with their inherent value, and therein abandon their spirit. Their minds, bodies and emotions become subject to the meaning dictated by the trauma; the trauma being a cruel taskmaster.
In some devastating cases, an individual may find several or all of the above examples all too familiar. Herein it becomes explicitly clear how the giving of oneself fully becomes difficult or even impossible without healing support. It’s not that the individual doesn’t desire to be fully integrated within themselves and with their partner, but the reintroduction of the disconnected self becomes an overwhelming floodgate that threatens to drown the individual completely.
Reintegration is possible, and relational fulfillment beyond trauma is achievable. It is beautiful to behold, and has potential for creating a depth, appreciation and bond between these relational partners that is uncommon among couples. It is a tender mercy gifted to us as agents of our own destiny.
Article By: Nevin Alderman: Owner/Clinical Director - Renew Relationship Counseling
Specializing in: Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Family Therapy, Marriage Workshops, Marriage Retreats, Premarital Counseling, Marriage Therapy and Relationship Coaching.
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