For couples who desire to work past significant betrayal, there are a few objectives for each partner to progress through toward healing. The first objective toward healing is to solidify the ending of the betrayal activity. This requires the partner responsible for the betraying to engage in intensive individual work focused on awareness and insight into their betraying actions and appropriate accountability for those actions. Identification of the triggers and root contributors associated with their betraying actions is also vital to the ending of betrayal actions and a reliable recovery from such.
For the partner who has been betrayed, one of the first objectives is working through the grief associated with the trauma. Common responses to betrayal include anger, denial, shock, bargaining, anxiety, loss of self-esteem and depression. Most betrayed partners will pass through some or all of these responses in their efforts toward healing. Additionally, there is much processing and healing that will be needed in association with the perceived meanings linked with the betrayal. These perceived meanings can include, “I am not worthy of love,” “I can never trust another person again,” “all relationships will end in pain,” “they cheated because I am not good enough,” and sometimes even, “everyone would be happier without me”. These perceived meanings can be extremely detrimental and devastating to the partner who is betrayed, which is why working through these perceived meanings toward health and healing with a skilled professional is vitally important.
The second set of objectives begins with the recovery work of the partner who has done the betraying. This recovery work first seeks to identify and address any addictive or compulsive components of their betraying behavior. Addictive and compulsive features are particularly toxic to healing and recovery efforts, and require significant intervention to overcome. Once any addictive and compulsive components are being addressed, accountable steps toward individual wellness, self-improvement and relational recovery are promoted. These steps become vital building-blocks for the reestablishment of trust and wellness in the relationship. Accountability and support from a skilled couples counselor can be extremely important in ensuring the betraying behavior is recovering in a reliable manner.
For the partner who has been betrayed, the second set of objectives focuses on efforts toward regenerating trust, safety and security in the relationship. Trust, safety and security are basic needs for any meaningful relationship and are vital components of a couple’s bond. As appropriate awareness and recovery is achieved by the betraying partner, active steps toward regenerating trust, safety and security become increasingly important for the betrayed partner. A skilled couples counselor can be very helpful in determining the right timing for, and the right amount of, trust, safety and security in the relationship, while addressing any concerns or fears along the way.
The third set of objectives centers upon efforts made by the betraying partner to repair the injuries created by their actions. It is important that appropriate levels of self-awareness and recovery have been achieved prior to significant attempts toward repair, as repair work is most meaningful in a relationship once there is enough growth in the betraying partner to protect against further betrayal. A skilled couples counselor can help determine the right timing for this repair work, as well as the specific types of repair work needed given the circumstance the couple has faced.
For the partner who has been betrayed, the repair efforts of their partner creates a platform for healing and reconnecting on a deeper and more vulnerable level. It is at this stage that efforts to strengthen and grow the recovering relationship become most meaningful. With the help of a skilled couples counselor, vulnerability and connection exercises uniquely designed for the couple can be utilized to foster deeper levels of emotional intimacy, attachment and physical connection.
Once repair and reconnection is being achieved, the final step is helping the couple to identify and prioritize strengthening habits and safeguards. Strengthening habits are specific practices, exercises and rituals that will help the couple continually foster depth in their connection and fulfillment in their relationship. Safeguards are those principles and measures that will be needed to ensure vitality of the relationship and protection from future betrayal. The maintenance of strengthening habits and safeguards by both partners creates protection and assurance that the relationship will thrive over time, and continue to produce a deeply, fulfilling love.
We hope this information is helpful as you consider important steps toward healing from betrayal trauma. Each couple's situation is unique, and relational betrayal can take many forms. Not all couples will choose to work toward healing, and in some situations where safety or wellbeing might be concerned, continuation of the relationship may not be advisable. If you are considering relational healing following betrayal, please consult a local therapeutic professional with questions regarding your unique situation and how to best proceed. Thank you for joining us.
Healing Betrayal Trauma - For couples hoping to work beyond betrayal in their relationship. Check out this and all of our videos on YouTube, at: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXZuhAFQ68td85fWt9bZdRA
For more information, visit our website, at: www.RenewRelationshipCounseling.com
Renew Relationship Counseling - One of the best services for marriage counseling in Utah County! Specializing in: Counseling Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Therapy, Couples Counseling, Couples Therapy, Family Counseling, Family Therapy, Relationship Workshops and Retreats. Now with locations across Utah County in Springville and American Fork! Also offering services online!
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