For some, anxiety can evolve into a destructive force that becomes unmanageable. Often when this occurs the anxiety is driven by intrusive thoughts that trigger our sympathetic nervous system, and send us reeling into our fight, flight or freeze response. This type of anxiety can quickly become overwhelming. Let me provide you an example:
There are several critical steps to managing and diffusing intrusive thoughts:
Notice: The first step is to notice that you are having an intrusive thought, and then accurately label it as intrusive. This step is important as it helps an individual be intentional with what happens next. Mindfulness is vital here, as discernment between a constructive thought and an intrusive thought can be tricky. Constructive thoughts remind us of tasks at hand, support us in discovering new information, promote problem solving, assist us in dreaming of what could be, help focus and prioritize our energy, and guide us toward attending to things that are deemed important. Intrusive thoughts, on the other hand, are persistent and alarmingly, unwanted, distract us from tasks at hand, shutdown learning and problem-solving, foster fear and hopelessness, encourage anxious preoccupation, and spin us into dysfunction. Put more simply, when you are having constructive thoughts you are functioning with efficiency, drive, hope, and clarity. When you are having intrusive thoughts you are hardly functioning at all.
Accept: Once an intrusive thought has been identified, the next step becomes acceptance. This step can feel somewhat paradoxical, as our first reaction to an intrusive thought is typically anxiety driven efforts to fight the thought and/or avoid the thought. Acceptance is the goal for two reasons: First, when significant energy is placed on thought-avoidance, the outcome typically becomes preoccupation with the very thought we are trying to dispel. Second, it’s not typically the thought alone that is distressing, instead, much of the distress comes from treating the thought as true/valid and then becoming preoccupied with what it means about me that I’m having the thought. For example, the thought that my son could die without notice is extremely alarming and devastating, which devastation becomes compounded by my perception that his death would mean I failed him, my wife, his siblings, and anyone else who is connected to him... That his death would be a direct reflection of my failings, and failing him must mean he didn’t matter enough to me… That I was so selfishly focused or complacent that I couldn’t keep him alive! See what I mean? The goal is acceptance that the thought is happening without looking to it for truth and/or looking into it for further meaning.
Remember: The next step is what we call a “reframe” in the therapeutic world. To reframe means to change the meaning of something. For example, once noticing and accepting that I’m having intrusive thoughts about my son, I realize that a lot of my anxiety is compounded by his “seeming imminent death” being an ultimate expression of my failings as a parent. A reframe in this situation would be to honor how much my son means to me, and to remember that it is only because I love my son so much, and because I desire to be the best father I can be, that I am feeling anxious about this thought in the first place. From this place I can begin to reassure myself that I’m a loving father who does all that he can to take care of his son, and that because of this I’m giving my son the best chance for safety. That I am a gift in his life, and I’m giving every effort I have to him. This, in fact, is in direct opposition to the fear-based meaning associated with the intrusive thoughts, and therefore help me diffuse much of the adverse emotions associated with those thoughts.
Move On: Once the intrusive thoughts have been effectively reframed, the final goal is to move beyond the intrusive thoughts. While they may still nag in the background, your efforts to consistently reframe the thoughts lead to the understanding that my efforts are enough. From this stance, while I still may have some worry and concern about my son’s wellness, the thoughts no longer have power to motivate my constant checking, sleepless nights, and preoccupation at work. I am reassured by my knowledge that the thoughts are intrusive, not rational or truthful. I accept that they are a part of my experience and that their occurrence is somewhat out of my control. I remember that they only bother me because they are in relation to something I care deeply about, and this reframe toward honoring my goodness and my best efforts allows me to continue forward in a mindful and productive manner.
If you find yourself struggling with anxious and intrusive thoughts, don’t wait any longer to get help. Support is available, and we are here to help. Renew your life today!
Author: Nevin G. Alderman, MA, LCMHC - Renew Relationship Counseling
For more information on how you can improve your relationship, visit us at: RenewRelationshipCounseling.com Also on Social Media!Renew Relationship Counseling - Specializing in: Counseling Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Therapy, Couples Counseling, Couples Therapy, Family Counseling, Family Therapy, Relationship Workshops and Retreats. Now with locations in Springville and American Fork, Utah!