Mindfulness is a trait of being attuned and aware of the current moment. It is the state of being present; listening, noticing, attending, acknowledging, and accepting - with complete focus and without judgement. The attribute of mindfulness is widely acknowledged for its contribution to physical, mental and emotional wellbeing in individuals, and has recently been shown to improve relational dynamics as well. Couples who are more mindful tend to be more satisfied with their relationship, and current research is showing that mindfulness in men increases a woman's romantic interest in him.
The practice of mindfulness is in stark contrast to the norms of our present-day culture. Cell phones, computers, social media, career demands, parental responsibilities, calendars, memos, apps, sporting updates, breaking news, events, and more! Our world is constantly bombarding us with stimuli, each vigorously brawling for a portion of our attention. It’s no wonder that pausing on a regular basis to share a mindful moment with a spouse becomes so difficult, and to men, may seem like a pointless waste of time. “Just tell me what to do and let me move on” becomes the mindset, and as a man impatiently provides his spouse a fraction of his attention, he deprives her of possibly one of the most valuable and meaningful things that he can “do” to sustain her loving connection; being present and attuned to her.
Good news for men everywhere, mindfulness is a trait that can be developed! You can practice being mindful right now… try it out! Pause for a moment and just notice… notice what you hear, what you see, what you feel… consider each of your senses. As your mind wanders, bring it back to the present moment. Focus on now. Remember, you are noticing, acknowledging and attending to the information being delivered by all of your senses - not judging or critiquing, just allowing yourself to be present and focused on the here-and-now. Now consider how you might apply that same exercise in the next opportunity you have to share a moment with your spouse; focused attunement to the present moment and interaction you are sharing with her. She’s worth your mindfulness, and she’ll love you more for it!
Through the innumerable hours I spend renewing couples relationships I can confirm the importance of this attribute in men who are working to strengthen and heal their relationship with their wives. Women desire their husband’s genuine interest in them, concern for them, and attunement to their needs. Women long to be known by their husbands, to be nurtured and cherished. Be mindful, men.
Article By: Nevin Alderman: Owner/Clinical Director - Renew Relationship Counseling
Specializing in: Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Family Therapy, Marriage Workshops, Marriage Retreats, Premarital Counseling, Marriage Therapy and Relationship Coaching.
To learn more, visit:
www.facebook.com/RenewRelationshipCounseling
Sources:
- DiDonato, Theresa - “A Mind For Love” - Psychology Today, Feb. 2016. Pg. 32-33